


Tangled Up In String

by StarsInTheRiver



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Mind Control, Multi, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, definitely there if you squint I'm incapable of writing yaz without giving her a crush on the doctor, maybe doctor/yaz I'm not sure how far I'm gonna take it yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22888717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarsInTheRiver/pseuds/StarsInTheRiver
Summary: The Doctor and Yaz get into a little bit of danger, just enough to get the Doctor to stop pretending she doesn't have emotions for an evening:) I just really wanted to talk about the doctor's anger issues and her relationships with others(sorry I keep changing title and description, its an ocd thing but I promise I'm done now)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first chapter is just some thoughts.. action starts in the next one

There was a room, deep in the Tardis but easy to get to from nearly anywhere if you knew the way, that the Doctor had built many, many years back and filled with glass baubles, old computers, jars of every size. The idea had been constructive destruction- an unfeeling target to point her rage at when it rose up like a cobra in her chest. Before it could strike out at the people (friend or foe, deserving or not) around her. The Doctor considered that room, with all its perfect and untouched contents, as she stared down at the glass fragments scattered across her bedroom floor.

The palm-sized shard had been sitting in her room for years. It had been two, almost three lifetimes ago now since she'd placed it on the table by the door. It had been the last time she’d ever taken off that brown pinstripe suit- she’d still been hazy from regeneration when she’d noticed a sharp pain and pulled the bit of glass from her pocket.

Memory was always a bit tricky after regenerating. Everything always came back eventually, but apparently whatever force of nature had crafted the Time Lords had decided it was best if each new life was given some time to sort out their (usually very hectic) situation before having to think about how it had felt to die. Solid enough idea- even if dying itself were painless (which it wasn't), the memories of her deaths would still sit heavy in her chest. So much loss, every time. 

So, yeah. When she’d shaken out the suit and the little bit of glass had fallen out, it had taken a long moment to realize it must have gotten stuck there when she’d plummeted through the roof of the mansion. Memories had floated distant and hazy in her mind as she’d stared at the glittering shard. Memories of the Time Lords, of their wretched plans… of the Master, who had looked every bit as betrayed and afraid as the Doctor had felt. Of… of….

Back in the present moment the Doctor squeezed her eyes shut against the memory of the woman who had saved them all. In that post-regeneration haze the memories had been faint, aching but warm in the way you remember a good dog who passed on long ago. Not anymore. She had picked up the glass shard thinking only of the Master, but the other memories rose up sharp and unbidden and the weight of everything he had taken from her hit her with the force of a small moon. The hatred that flooded through her was a thousand times stronger than any rational thought she might have managed to keep hold of, and her hand had moved unbidden to shatter the thing. It felt almost more like a physical reaction than a choice, as though she could rid herself of the burning rage if only she threw it hard enough. 

It didn't work, of course, and now her anger, pressed down for the moment by new waves of sorrow and shame, sat low and heavy in her chest as she kicked through the rubble towards her bed. She forced down the urge to kick harder, to shatter the pieces that dared to stay remotely recognizable. She wanted them to turn to dust and take all the memories they held with them. But at the same time her hearts ached from looking at them, ached to see the artifact whole again, and the longing fueled a new wave of fury and self loathing in a cycle that burned and burned in her chest. She stood there watching them for a long, tense moment before sitting heavily down on the mattress. 

She should have seen it coming. 

She shouldn’t have been caught off guard by the Master, after all these years she should have sharper eyes, thicker skin. Especially considering the last time they’d parted ways - and again the remembering swept over her like a hurricane and she buried her face in her hands with a groan.

It had been something she’d… well, she hadn’t _actively_ been trying not to think about it. The last few months had been a whirlwind. She couldn’t have had more than ten consecutive minutes to herself since she’d regenerated, not counting the day or two she’d needed after Gallifrey. Even then she’d kept busy, only given herself the bare minimum of time she needed to keep from crumbling to pieces in front of her friends. Although in hindsight she might have underestimated how long she’d needed- she’d expected questions about her past, considering what they’d seen of the Master, but the sparse summary she’d given them had threatened to catch in her throat even before Yaz started to ask about a visit.

But it had worked out fine, they’d all moved on and none of the humans had any idea what the Doctor, with her constant flurry of activity, was running from. She’d even, she realized now, managed to fool herself. Because her routine hadn’t actually changed since the Master’s return. All the little things she was noticing herself doing now- rushing from one adventure to the next, racing through to-do lists while her companions slept, barely sleeping herself and even then only when she was so exhausted that there would never be a single moment of laying in bed with her thoughts- they weren’t normal for her, historically. But since regenerating... there’d been something dark lurking at the edge of her consciousness. She’d done a good job of avoiding it for a while but it was starting to become apparent that she wouldn't be able to keep it up forever. This new regeneration was so full of energy, but she really, really wasn’t a young time lord anymore and sometimes she needed to stop and breathe. And she missed those moments terribly, if she was being honest. Slow, easy conversations with her friends and morning cups of tea. Every cup of tea she’d had since regenerating had been made for her by someone else, and she hadn’t stuck around long enough to finish a single one. 

The Doctor was suddenly overcome with the urge to put the kettle on, pick out a sunrise, and watch it with whoever woke up and joined her first. 

But she couldn’t. She knew, deep in her hearts, that things would change the moment she let her guard down. Her companions… they saw her a certain way. The Doctor they thought they were traveling with was all smiles and adventure, and in her opinion that was how it should be. The humans who came to her, longing to see the stars- it wasn’t their job to help carry her burden. Although it seemed like they usually ended up helping anyways. A new wave of memories, of companions she’d lost because she couldn’t keep the darker parts of her life from finding her companions, from swallowing them up, threatened to overwhelm her. 

She was on her feet again before she was even aware she’d made the decision to get up. She’d come in here in the hope that she could rest, get a few hours off from the thoughts of the Master that swarmed in her head like flies. But what was the point? Her hearts were pounding so hard she knew there would be hours of tossing, turning, thinking before she reached sleep. And that wasn’t even considering the nightmares. Who could say if she would feel more or less tired when she woke? She left her bedroom carpeted in dust and shards of glass to find a more productive distraction. 

And she really did give it her best effort. It had been a while since she’d used the pool, but she swam until she couldn’t lift her arms anymore. She organized her wardrobe (sort of), and tried on outfits for a few hours before deciding there really wasn’t anything better than a long, soft coat anyways. She was sorting through the TARDIS rooms, looking for things to delete, when her thoughts were forcibly brought back to the Master. 

It was a tiny bedroom, tucked far back into a winding hallway uncomfortably near the Doctor’s own chambers. She didn’t recognize it, and at first she thought it was an old companion’s room she’d forgotten about. But when images of a bed with an expensive-looking duvet in a familiar purple appeared, her stomach twisted. She hadn’t given Missy permission to edit the Tardis, much less build her own bedroom, but it wasn’t at all surprising that she had anyways. She couldn’t imagine the other Time Lord would have dreamed of sleeping on her jail-keeper’s ship, but she certainly could imagine her, bored, feet propped up on the console and a smile on her face from imagining the Doctor’s annoyance at finding his ship had been messed with. 

She was thinking of Gallifrey in flames as she pressed _delete._ But as she stared at the blank screen where the bed had been the only image that would come to her mind was the sad smile Missy had given her before she walked away that last time. As it had earlier, her hatred for herself and for her oldest friend wrestled violently in her gut, and she smacked the screen away from her face with a growl. What did she have to feel bad about? She had tried _so hard._ She had given her friend every chance in the universe, and what had they done? Betrayed her again and again. Turned their back on her every time she was stupid enough to believe they might be able to change. Burned their home, turned the people and the forests and the sunsets that had nurtured them both into _ash_. 

She wanted to cry, or scream, but couldn’t imagine it would help any more than the destruction had. The only thing that was ever going to help was getting some answers. So she sat at the console, numb and exhausted, as the Tardis once again scanned the universe for the only person who might be able to bring her some real peace.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor jerked upright, pulled from her impromptu nap by the sounds and flashes of the Tardis’ alarm. Her eyes flicked around the room for half a second before landing on the flashing words-

WARNING - SIGNAL INCOMING

Her hearts leapt- it was the screen that had been scanning for the Master, had it found something? She rushed over, pulling up all the data from the last few hours. And- yep- there it was, an anomaly right at the end of the data set- she was reaching for a bigger screen when a voice came suddenly from behind her. 

“Doctor, what’s going on?”

The Doctor spun, somehow entirely caught off guard by her companion coming to see what all the noise was about. “Oh! Yaz! I was just- uh-” A new, even more demanding alarm started up behind her and she flashed her companion a smile before jumping onto the distraction. “One sec, sorry, very urgent.” 

SIGNAL LOCKING ON 

Time was running out. But running out for what? There didn’t seem to be a message or incoming teleport attached, and the Tardis systems weren’t showing any signs of interference. Maybe... maybe there was nothing to find, maybe the signal itself was the message? She had set the Tardis to find the signal’s source the moment she’d been awake enough to realize what was happening, but it couldn’t hurt to divert a little extra power to the computers. If this  _ was _ the Master she couldn’t afford to miss a clue. 

“Um, Doctor?” Yaz sounded nervous now, but before the Doctor could even begin to turn around the computer  _ ding _ ed in completion, and the coordinates that appeared on the screen nearly stopped her hearts. Not Gallifrey, not quite- but one of its moons. 

“Oh, that’s  _ gotta  _ be him. Yaz, I-” The Doctor’s words died in her mouth as she turned and realized very suddenly that she was alone in a silent console room. The alarms had stopped, and where Yaz had been standing there was only empty space. The electric excitement that had been coursing through her died with a sudden violent surge, leaving nothing but a cold, heavy dread in its place. 

Her hands were back on the console even as her mind struggled to focus, to concentrate on the task at hand instead of on the vivid, persistent image of what had happened last time the Master had stolen away one of her friends. She didn’t need to think about that, because it wasn’t going to happen this time. She didn’t even know for sure it was the Master (yes she did) and even if it was he wouldn’t be stupid enough to kill one of her friends (yes he would). She growled and shook her head at herself- stop thinking, just  _ move.  _ She slammed the last lever forward and the Tardis lurched as it started towards the coordinates at full speed.

The trip through the time vortex had never felt longer. The Doctor stood over the console, hand on the brake and eyes clenched shut against her still racing thoughts. She tried to direct them towards something useful, to plan for whatever would be waiting for her outside those doors. But Bill’s face lingered agonizingly in her mind’s eye. Her bright, goofy human one- and the blank cyber mask she had worn at the end. 

She knew deep in her hearts that the Master had watched her with a close eye, would have turned Bill right before she’d managed to reach her whether she’d sprinted straight to the elevator or talked for another five minutes. Assuming that, she could almost tell herself that her little lecture at the top of that spaceship had at least allowed Bill to live a few more precious human years. But in the end she would always know that in the moment, she had allowed all those seconds to slip by out of nothing more than hubris. She had been so sure she would be able to save her.

She didn’t realize she’d fallen into a spiral of self loathing until she nearly missed her timing with the brake, but the adrenaline was a big help and she managed to put the Tardis down within seconds of the coordinates. A few meters away though, trying to be mindful of traps while hopefully not missing any clues. 

She was striding as quickly as she could towards the doors when another voice from the back of the control room reminded her, she had more passengers. She’d somehow managed to forget about the other humans, and when she turned on her heel she found them both standing there looking rumpled and concerned. Graham was doing his best to hide a yawn. 

Ryan repeated his question. “Doctor, what’s going on?” 

The Doctor threw a nervous look back at the doors. “Uh, bit of a long story, I’m really sorry but I need you two to stay here for a bit.”

The two men shared a look that the Doctor did not care for before Ryan asked, “Is it something to do with Yaz? She wasn’t in her room.”

She thought about lying, but at this point it seemed like that would waste even more time. “Yeah, it does. I did something stupid, and Yaz…” She had to pause here, as her lungs felt suddenly incapable of processing oxygen. “I’m sure she’s fine, but I have to go _right_ _now_.”

She let far too much of her true emotions into those last two words, she could see it immediately in the humans’ eyes. They were scared now. 

“We’re coming with you, then,” Ryan said, and she almost laughed. Stupid, brave, predictable humans. 

“No.”

“Doc, if Yaz is in trouble, we can’t just sit here-” Graham stopped suddenly when the Doctor took a step towards them. She couldn’t see her own expression, but judging by theirs it wasn’t comforting. 

“Listen to me, both of you. I need you to stay here. I don’t know what’s waiting out there, but I have an idea, and if I’m right then I'm sorry but Yaz could be in very serious danger. Last time this person got his hands on one of my friends…” she hadn’t meant to trail off, but the words just wouldn’t come. She shook her head and continued. “I never, ever would have let her get involved in this if I’d had a say. _Please_ , just stay here.” She looked between them, trying to tell them with her eyes what she couldn’t say with words- that she wouldn’t be able to stand losing them too. She just wouldn’t. 

The way they looked back at her, half fear and half worry, was almost worse than if they’d refused. But after another shared glance they both nodded, and the Doctor reached out to give both their hands what she hoped was a comforting squeeze before turning and half sprinting back to the door. She still locked it behind herself, though. Just in case. 


	3. Chapter 3

Yaz had still been in her pajamas when she’d gone to check on all the noise coming from the console room. The Tardis was a comfortable temperature, a little cool maybe, so they were thick and cozy. But then the Doctor and the Tardis had started to flicker out around her like an old TV caught between channels, and in less than a full second Yaz found herself somewhere very, very warm. 

It was dark, but she could make out a room in ruins, broken windows and remnants of furniture scattered across the floor. There was the smell of smoke in the air, tinged with gasoline and something sharp, maybe rust. She didn’t see the man in the shadowy corner, though, until he moved suddenly towards her. She didn’t scream, but it was a near thing. Then he stepped closer, into the dim light that trickled in from the broken window, and she nearly wept instead. 

The Master looked calmer than the last time they’d met, although that wasn’t saying much. His lips were pressed together against the manic grin that sparkled in his eyes, and he sauntered towards her with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. 

“ _Very_ nice.” He said. “I was hoping you’d be the one to get scooped up.” 

Yaz had been determined not to flinch away from him, but he was on her faster than she expected and it took all her willpower not to move when he stepped right into her personal space to look into her eyes. 

“She’s always had a weakness for pretty earth girls. I'd wondered if her little... gender bit would have any effect on that, but seems not.” He reached up to brush Yaz’ cheek, but she’d slapped him away before she had time to register what she was doing.

The Master raised an eyebrow, his expression on a tightrope between anger and delight. She was sure for a moment that he was going to attack her. But then he took a step back and laughed, loud and just a little too long. “Feisty, too! Like I said, she’s got a type.” He took a few slow, deliberate steps back. “Bet you’re clever, too. For a human. Bet you're already trying to think up a way to escape. Don't bother, I’ve baby-proofed the room. Plus, try too hard and I might decide it’s easier just to kill you.” He flashed her a wince, but didn’t bother to hide his smile. 

It could have been the heat, which was oppressive, but Yaz was starting to feel distinctly unwell. Her pajamas were beginning to stick to her back, and the look the Master was giving her as he paced around the room reminded her uncomfortably of a cat with a toy. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the dim lighting, and despite his warning she started to cast around for anything that might be useful in an escape plan.

There wasn’t much, some broken glass and what looked like legs of a chair that might be able to function as weapons. She didn’t like her chances in a fight with this guy, though. She didn’t know much about Time Lord biology, but sometimes the Doctor would grab her hand with a strength that surprised her, and even if he were human the Master had a few inches and probably a solid fifty pounds on her. She needed to find another approach. 

“So-” her voice sounded small, hesitant, and she cleared her throat before continuing with more force. “Why grab me at all? I assume you want to talk to the Doctor, but she’s been looking for you for weeks, was this really the easiest way?” 

He shrugged. “Yeah, but she’s a tricky one. Doesn’t like to get into situations unless she knows she’s got the upper hand. Not to say she won’t, if the bait’s good enough.”

He gave Yaz another smile, and a mocking little bow.

“I’m sure she’ll be scheming the whole way up here, but if I timed things right she won’t have a chance to set up a trap. That’s how things usually go between us- I set up a trap for her, she figures it out and twists it back on me, I do the same, back and forth until we run out of time. Or until one of us screws up.” He laughed again.

“Then why not just grab her, if you can take someone out of the Tardis like that?” Yaz was half trying to keep him talking, and half genuinely curious. Despite her deep, deep misgivings about the situation she was still keenly aware that compared to this man, she and the Doctor were practically strangers. She understood that the Time Lord liked her privacy, but you can only travel through time and space with a person for so long before you start to wonder who they really were. 

As if reading her thoughts, the Master tilted his head and asked with a smile, “you haven’t been traveling with her long, have you?”

“Long enough,” Yaz replied, a bit defensively. 

“And you’ve caught glimpses of it, haven’t you? All that hate, all that anger she keeps bottled up right here?” His fingers beat frantically against his chest. “That new face of hers is especially good at keeping up appearances, but I’ll bet you’ve seen flashes. Moments where you weren’t sure if you needed to be scared for her, or of her?”

Yaz said nothing, but something must have come through in her eyes because he only grinned wider. 

“She’s a dangerous woman, Yasmin Khan. More dangerous than anyone you’ve ever met. More than even than me, I would say.”

Yaz felt her eyebrow twitch in disbelief this time, but he only shrugged.

“Believe me or don’t, it won’t change anything. She’s ended more lives than there are stars in your Earth’s sky. She’s never killed _me_ before, but to be honest I think we might finally be approaching her breaking point.” He stopped his pacing and took a sudden few steps towards Yaz. His eyes were burning with something like anticipation when he asked, “The mask’s been slipping, hasn't it? Look me in the face and tell me she seems fine.”

It was suddenly even harder to meet his wild, probing eyes, but Yaz managed. “I thought you said I barely knew her.”

He stepped back, smile back on his face. “Nope. And even so, you’ve noticed something wrong.” He’d already been restless but now he seemed barely able to keep still, pacing in little circles and wringing his hands in excitement. “Even before I sent her my little message, I could feel something had changed. She was _vicious_ in Paris, absolutely breathtaking. Did she tell you she turned me over to the Nazis? Fair enough, I suppose, but I really didn’t think she had it in her. I suspect seeing me in the outfit set her off a bit. It was quite nasty, though- _let them see the real you_ , or something along those lines.”

The nervous, sick feeling in Yaz' gut was getting worse the longer he spoke. She had no reason to believe anything he was saying, but there was no denying that he was right about how the Doctor had been acting. Yaz had never been afraid that the Doctor would hurt her, but there were moments where she would look into her friend’s eyes and see an entirely different person than the one she had ran away with all those months ago. And for all her talk of nonviolence, she’d watched only last week as her and Tesla killed a whole ship’s worth of alien beings. So she said nothing.

The Master seemed once again to understand her state of mind, though, because there was a satisfied air about him as he turned away to check the little screen on his wrist. 

“She’s going a bit slower than I’d have expected. Maybe I overestimated her attachment to you.” He checked briefly for her reaction, eyes laughing. “She should be up soon though, never been one to shy away from a few staircases.”

At the second mention of stairs, Yaz’s eyes flicked to the window. She wanted to ask where they were, but she also had the feeling that was what he wanted too. 

“Go ahead, you can look.”

He hadn’t even glanced at her. Were Time Lords telepathic? Surely the Doctor would have mentioned it if she’d been able to read their thoughts this whole time. Regardless, she didn’t quite have the self control necessary to stop herself walking over to the window and pulling aside the tattered curtain. 

It looked like a factory, or maybe a city. Identical grey buildings of ridiculous height as far as she could see. They seemed to be right at the top of one of these, and even from what seemed like a mile up she could see that the place must have been abandoned some time ago. The narrow, even streets were scattered with bits of fallen building and pipe, and ash swirled visibly in the wind that she could hear howling as it swept through the alleys below. It was fierce up here too, whistling faintly and grabbing at her loose hair through the broken window, but their building poked out into the vast orange sky and it was only where their walls crowded together that the wind was pressed into that bone-chilling wail. 

“Still lovely, isn’t it?”

Yaz jumped, she hadn’t noticed the Master standing directly behind her until he spoke. When she looked, though, she saw that his eyes weren’t on the destruction below. She followed his gaze to a corner of the sky where… something hung, maybe a moon? It was either very large or very close, and although it was certainly impressive she wasn’t sure lovely was the word she would have used. Yeah, there were parts of the surface that shone a striking shade of orange, but the rust-colored continents was crisscrossed with fires she could see even from here, and tinged with a darker color that crept over it like a disease. The clouds were a choking, polluted grey. Yaz had never seen a dead world (at least not from a distance) but there was no doubt in her mind that this is what it was. 

“I miss it, of course. But what must be done, must be done, right?”

His words took a second to process- then the pieces clicked, and Yaz stared in horror at the dead world. She opened her mouth, although she wasn’t sure what she would have asked. How? When? _Why_?

But he was wasn’t paying attention to her anymore, the calmness that had washed over him gone as suddenly as it had appeared as his focus shifted back down to his wrist. “Oh!” He made a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh, bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited child as he tapped at the device. “Got her! Thought I was wasting my time with the traps, to be honest, but here we are.” He spun around, holding the device to his chest and proudly grinning. He held it still for only a second, but it was long enough for Yaz to make out a figure hanging from its ankles in a derelict corridor, mostly obscured by the long grey coat that fell over its face. She felt her heart drop into her stomach. 

“Come on, come on, before she wakes up!” The Master had grabbed her wrist before she had time to register his movement, and he was halfway across the room by the time she realized he had clasped a cold, hard band around it. She didn’t even have a moment to be scared before her legs were moving without her permission, and she found herself following the Master as he sprinted from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm so fucking stressed for this finale I never write this fast. Between this and taking notes all week I strained my hand lmaoo
> 
> also don't sue me for using american measurements it just sounds wrong when I try and use the metric system:///


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor woke with a headache and her fingertips just brushing the filthy concrete floor.

Glancing around as the fog cleared from her brain, she saw that the area around her had been cleared of the scrap and rubble that characterized the rest of the building. The cable digging viciously into her ankles still swung gently with the momentum from her capture, and when she twisted around she could see from the sunlight filtering through at the end of the hallway that she had only been unconscious for a minute or two. 

Her coat flopped awkwardly around her head and it took a solid half minute to determine that her screwdriver was nowhere on her person. Another scan of the room located it, two or three meters away where it must have been flung when the cord had snapped tight around her ankles and slammed her against the wall. She cast around anxiously for anything else she might be able to use to free herself, but whoever had kicked the rubble away from the trap had been careful. There was nothing she could use to cut the cord or reach the screwdriver. 

She looked around for only a second more, but in the near silence she could hear the distant sound of footsteps. Two people, running, and getting louder. Her hearts leapt- the Master and Yaz? Obviously she would prefer to keep Yaz far, far away from the other Time Lord, but if she was running she was almost certainly still alive and human. 

It wouldn’t be ideal to be hanging like this when they reached her, though. With a grunt of effort, she pulled herself up and grabbed the cord. It was tight around her ankles, a solid steel thing that would surely draw blood if she wiggled around much more, and it had been fastened in such a way that it didn’t loosen even when she shifted her weight from the cord to the pipes that ran the along the ceiling and kicked. The bit wrapped around the pipes also refused to budge. 

The footsteps were only a floor or two up now, and figuring she would rather be a bit tied up on the floor than hanging from her feet, she held on tight and kicked as hard as she could at a rusty patch of pipe. It shattered with a cloud of rust, and from there it was a simple thing to slip the end of the cord free and let herself drop to the floor. With her feet still bound, she landed hard on her back, and in the moment she spent laying there waiting for the pain to ease up and her breath to return the footsteps had made it nearly to the end of her hallway. She just barely had time to get her back against the wall before they were turning the final corner. 

The Master looked the same as when they’d last spoken. Maybe the coat looked a little worse for wear, maybe the beard was a bit longer, but the look in his eyes hadn’t changed a bit. Behind him, Yaz looked shaken, but that was a healthy human emotion and the Doctor had a hard time being anything but relieved to see it. 

“Yaz, are you ok?”

There was a beat before she nodded, but when she opened her mouth to speak the Master held up his hand and it snapped shut again. 

“She’s fine, I didn’t touch her. I mean, I did give her a _tiny_ upgrade.” The Doctor’s guts twisted at the word, and it must have shown on her face because the grin that split his features made her skin crawl. “Don’t worry, not like that. Yaz, show the Doctor the pretty bracelet I gave you.”

Behind him, Yaz immediately stretched out her wrist. A solid silver band sat there, and that numb, burning rage started to lick at the edges of the Doctor’s mind. She knew it immediately, a crude bit of telepathic technology that was illegal pretty much anywhere in the universe. Yaz’s thoughts and feelings would still be her own, but her body would only obey her as long as the person with the remote didn’t want it doing something else. 

“Take it off her, now.”

The Master took a sharp, sympathetic breath. “Sorry, love, can’t do that. I’m sure you understand, I have to keep my own safety in mind, and I just don’t think I can trust you not to do something silly if you’re not worried your pet might… oh, I don’t know. Climb out the window or something.”

Yaz’s flinch would have been easy to miss if she hadn’t been looking, and the Doctor had to force her attention back on her enemy to stop the mix of concern and anger from overwhelming her. If Yaz was managing to keep it together after being kidnapped and telepathically hijacked, the least she could do was keep her own head on straight long enough to get them safe. 

The Master was still watching her with a nauseatingly affectionate smugness.

“Fine,” she finally spat. “What do you want, then?” 

He paused for a moment, then said, “Actually, it’s not about what _I_ want this time.” He crouched suddenly and the Doctor had to stop herself from recoiling. “I know you have questions, but if I could give you a tip? Appreciate this time, Doctor. Before I tell you what I’ve found, before everything changes. You’re going to long for the simpler days.”

The Doctor could have punched him in that moment. This was just another opportunity for him to taunt her, to hold whatever secret he was keeping over her head. 

“So what,” she asked in a biting tone, “You kidnapped my friend because you’re worried I’m not appreciating my life to the fullest?”

“Mm, no. I just needed you to listen for once when I tell you to _leave me alone._ ” He leaned in closer as he growled those last words, so close she could have headbutted him if he hadn’t been holding Yaz’ life in his hands. She nearly did anyways when he reached up and brushed his thumb against her cheek. But she forced down the hate that threatened to black out her vision and only yanked her head back with a glare. The Master’s lips twitched into a smile, although his eyes didn’t change. 

“Don’t worry, love, you’ll have your answers soon enough.” He stood and turned his back on her with a dismissive headshake. 

The Doctor felt her lip twitch into a snarl as cold rage flooded her body. “So that’s it? Big elaborate trap just to get me here and tell me to piss off?”

“I don’t know, is it? I brought you here to tell you, if you want your answers, you need to learn some patience, some respect. Do I need to keep a little collateral too, to make sure you behave?” He spun the remote to Yaz’ bracelet between his fingers.

“I wouldn’t let that happen,” she said in voice as cold and hard as stone. 

His face twisted, and he lunged at her- for the first time, she flinched, certain he was going to kick her, but he stopped just short. 

“This, _this_ is what I’m so sick of, Doctor. You are so _unbelievably_ arrogant. You wouldn’t let me? I could compress you both down _right now_ , keep you on a little table next to my bed. I could blow up this building, it’s rigged for it. Put us all out of out misery, end this little game. I could make your pet try to kill you. I could leave her control of her voice, do you think she’d beg for your forgiveness while she tried to slit your throat? I know you don’t have a problem with killing in self defense. Do you think you could do it, or would you let her go back to earth to spend the rest of her days knowing she killed the most _wonderful_ woman in the universe?” The last words came out in a manic, mocking snarl, and for the first time since seeing Yaz still alive the Doctor felt genuine fear that she had pushed her old friend too far. She opened her mouth to placate him, to say whatever she had to to keep her companion safe (she didn’t believe for a second that the Master would kill _her,_ not before he told her whatever awful secret he was having so much fun dangling over her head) but before she could speak, a familiar high pitched hum echoed through the room.

The Master took nearly a full second to identify the sound- then his eyes widened, and he whirled around, but the little metal band had already clattered to Yaz's feet. 

“Doctor, catch!” The Master moved fast to intercept it, but Yaz had a good arm and the screwdriver arced right over him into the Doctor’s outstretched hand. She turned it immediately on her bindings, but before she could scramble to her feet the Master had reached into his pocket and pulled out the tissue compressor. He caught her eyes, and his wink was like a kick to the stomach.

She started to move, to lunge at him with a strangled “No, please,” but he was already turning, taking aim-

Then there was a resounding thunk, and he crumpled to the ground. Yaz stood behind him, wide eyed and panting, a length of pipe clutched in her hands. 

For a long second there was only the sound of both their panicked breathing. Then relief washed over the Doctor, and when she rushed forward to where Yaz stood frozen, staring at the unconscious Master, she couldn’t help herself from grabbing her hand just a bit too tightly as she tugged the weapon out of the other.

The clang of it against the ground seemed to snap her out of whatever thoughts had had her transfixed, but when she turned to look at the Doctor there were the beginnings of tears in her eyes. 

The Doctor was almost overwhelmed with the urge to embrace her, comfort her, tell her that she never would have allowed the Master to hurt her. But those last few seconds wouldn’t stop replaying in her mind, and the knowledge that if Yaz hadn’t been quite so quick she would now be nothing but a few centimeters of compressed tissue stopped the words before they could form. 

So she just squeezed her hand tightly. “Come on. Let’s get you back to the Tardis.”

“What about him?” Yaz's eyes flicked towards the Master. 

The Doctor grimaced, ice creeping instantly back into her heart. Ideally, she would get him to the Tardis. Keep him where he couldn’t hurt anyone else, maybe get some information out of him. 

But she thought of Missy, and it was like the weight of an ocean in her chest. All those years they had spent together, jailor and prisoner. She had tried so hard to give Missy a chance, and she’d wanted so desperately for her to take it that she let herself believe it was possible. And what had she gotten for it? A few dead friends and the Master regenerated, more deranged and hateful than ever. 

Besides, she knew deep down if she captured him now there would be nothing she could do that would pry the knowledge that he had burned their planet for from his lips. And, if she was being honest with herself, she was afraid to discover what lengths she would go to to try.

So she closed her eyes for a moment before crouching down to bind his feet. “I’ll make it so he can’t chase us. We’ll have a head start anyways, but I’d rather not take chances.”

“You don’t think… I mean… should we really just leave him? What if he tries again?” Yaz massaged her wrist with a grimace, and the Doctor’s resolve not to try and torture the information from her old friend faltered for just a moment. Then she shook her head. 

“He won’t. Not as long as I stop trying to follow him.” She turned her screwdriver on the cords to seal her knot, then stood. “I know where he is now anyways. He’s not going to talk before he’s ready, no matter what I do, so I’m just going to have to try and be a little more prepared when I walk into the next trap. C’mon.” She put a gentle hand on Yaz’s elbow and begin to guide her away. 

Her companion glanced over her shoulder one last time as they turned the corner. “I don’t like that plan,” she said softly.

The Doctor pressed her lips together and fixed her eyes forward. “Yeah. Me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me forever because I was in mourning after that season finale.. I'm actually not mad about the big twist I just think chris chibnall isn't a great writer and jodie's fantastic doctor deserves better://////  
> One more chapter after this for them to talk about their feelings:) Hopefully won't take as long to post, I kept getting really stuck with this chapter


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this mostly done over a month ago, but then. Well you know. I'm happy with how it turned out though this is my first finished fanfic since I was like fifteen! shorter than I meant it to be but, it is what it is. Thanks for reading<3

“Doctor?”

The Doctor finally looked up from where she’d been brooding over the console, blinking at Yaz as though she’d forgotten there were other people on the ship. 

“How long've you been there?”

“A while.”

Graham and Ryan had been waiting anxiously in the console room when they’d returned, and Yaz had gone with them and allowed herself to be questioned and worried over. The Doctor had stayed behind, assuring them with a smile that she was fine. It hadn’t felt right to Yaz though. The Doctor had been silent all the way back to the Tardis, and the look on her face when she glanced back at the ruins before closing the doors on them… it just didn’t feel right. 

Her unease was validated when she returned to the console room to find the Time Lord with her head low over the controls and a blank, exhausted look on her face. Yaz had leaned against a pillar, planning to wait until the Doctor was done with her thoughts, but after nearly fifteen minutes concern won out, and she'd softly called out her name. 

But now the Doctor was looking at her with tired and disoriented eyes and despite all the time she’d been standing there Yaz was suddenly very unsure how to proceed. “I just- I just wanted to see if you were doing alright.”

The Doctor gave a poor imitation of a smile. “You know me, I’m always alright.”

“ _Doctor_.” Yaz could hear the exasperation in her own voice and crossed her arms nervously. “You don’t have to lie to me. And even if you did, you shouldn’t, because you’re not actually that good of a liar.” She hadn’t fully meant to say the last bit, and it tumbled from her lips in a bit of a rush. She risked a quick glance at the Doctor, but to her relief she didn’t see anger on her face. There was surprise, for a moment, then a faint but genuine smile. 

“Ah. I’ve had a suspicion about that. Was hoping it was just in my head… my last few faces could’ve convinced a spider that flies were bad for its health. Ah well.” She leaned back against the console, looking down. 

The heavy silence fell back over them, and Yaz cast around for something to say. There were so many things she wanted to ask, but she was acutely aware of how sensitive the Doctor could get about this and after the day they’d had she was beginning to understand why. Thankfully, she didn’t have to decide. 

“He killed my last companion.” The Doctor was still staring at the floor, but there was a stillness in the way she held herself now. 

Yaz’s heart lurched in her chest. “What?”

“The Master. The last person to travel with me, he kidnapped her, and… and he killed her. Well. Technically, it gets a bit complicated. There was a Cyberman conversion, and an explosion, and then I died which, if I’m being honest makes it a bit hard to follow what’s going on around me.” The Doctor gave a little not-quite-smile which slipped almost immediately away. “But she definitely died in the end. And it was my fault. The Master converted her but I’m the one who was supposed to be keeping her safe.”

The look Yaz had seen earlier on the Doctor’s face when she’d turned that last corner, relief so powerful she had looked as though she might cry, made sudden and terrible sense. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. 

That seemed to catch her off guard, and there was a pause before she smiled again, more convincingly than before but still distant and reserved. 

“My life… traveling with me, it’s dangerous, Yaz. Really dangerous. I try and make sure the people who come with me understand that but sometimes-” she tilted her face away from her companion, and the dark shadow of her hair fell over her face. “Sometimes I wonder if I tried a bit harder, maybe they would have listened. Maybe they’d still be alive.”

Yaz could hear how the last word was warped by another forced, grimacing smile, as though the Doctor thought she could make what she was saying less unpleasant by pretending it didn’t bother her.

“And… sometimes I wonder if, on some level, I’m not trying hard enough on purpose.” Her voice had already been soft, but now she almost whispered and Yaz had to take a few steps forward to try to catch the words. “Maybe I know, if I’m completely honest, that if I told them about the thousands of ways I’ve had to stand there and watch a friend die, or worse, because I couldn’t stop it-” her voice cut off, just a bit too suddenly, and Yaz could just barely make out the shape of her lips curled into a snarl. “Maybe I know they wouldn’t come with me. Maybe I hide the truth because I don’t want to be on my own.”

Yaz had been trying to force herself to stay back, to respect the Doctor’s space, but now she found her feet moving as though in a dream. She stopped about a meter away. 

“Tell me, then.”

The Doctor looked up. Her eyes had the smallest hint of pink around the edges. She tilted her head and blinked at Yaz. 

“What?”

“I think you’re wrong, I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would convince anyone who wanted to come with you that it wasn’t worth the risk.” Her voice was tight with emotion when she said that and she swallowed, slightly embarrassed. “I can’t speak for anyone else. But everything you’ve showed me… there’s so much beauty I never would have known about. And I don’t just mean the planets and the people, it’s- it’s more than that. You’ve changed the way I look at everything. The sky, the Earth, the people around me. Myself.” She looked away, embarrassed again. “I just mean. Even if I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I wouldn’t change anything.”

She didn’t notice the Doctor moving towards her until she was a foot away, but when she looked up the softness she saw in the Time Lord’s eyes was like a jolt of electricity straight to her chest. The Doctor took her hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“You really want to hear about them?”

She’d almost forgotten, or maybe hadn't fully realized what she’d asked for. The thought of all that death, all the heavy memories she saw in the Doctor’s eyes sometimes, almost made her take it back. But there was another look in her eyes now, pain, yeah, but a strange, uncertain curiosity too. Yaz nodded. 

The Doctor let go of her hand and after a moment of hesitation sat on the Tardis floor, legs crossed, her back to the pillar. The light coming from the pillars had been a deep blue when Yaz had entered the room, but it softened to a pale purple as she settled onto the floor beside her friend. 

There was a brief buzz from the screwdriver and a hologram flickered to life in front of them, the image of a lanky young woman with dark curls and lips that looked as though they were barely holding back a laugh. Yaz looked over to see her friend staring at the hologram with wide, blank eyes, and there was a long moment where Yaz wondered if she should try to comfort her before the Time Lord blinked a few times and smiled weakly.

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s been a while.”

There was another buzz, and more holograms began to appear behind the first. Women, mostly, although there were a few men and one or two she couldn't be sure about. There were a few dozen in all, but as soon they’d all appeared they dimmed again except for the first. Yaz turned back to the Doctor, waiting for her to speak.

Her tone was sad when she did, but full of an affection Yaz hadn’t heard from her before. “Her name was Bill. She was a student of mine, back when I worked at St. Luke's for a while. Absolutely brilliant.”

They sat there for hours, until Yaz was stiff and her legs sore from the hard metal floor. The Doctor told her about Rose, about River, about Donna and Adric and Susan. About the Master. There were moments when it overwhelmed her, and the Tardis lights would dim as they sat in silence, the Doctor with her eyes closed and her head tilted back against the pillar and Yaz watching over with a solemn, contemplative expression. 

Some of the things she told her... there was never a real risk of Yaz deciding to leave, but some of the stories made her pause. Even as her image of the Doctor grew more grand and complex with each anecdote, it also became smaller, more human. She had made mistakes, she’d experienced consequences. More violence and loss than any person should have to bear. By the time she had finished talking, Yaz wasn’t sure whether she ought to be more or less afraid of her, but she felt at least that she understood the strange, volatile woman more clearly than before. And there was a warmth between them now, one that had been there before but now felt more solid, something she could trust in. Like she knew instead of just really hoped that the Doctor cared for her and would never purposefully let her come to harm.

The warmth lingered as they made their way back to an empty kitchen, as Yaz sat at the table and watched the Doctor fix their tea. It didn’t fade even as Yaz looked on in horror at the amount of sugar she put into her own mug, or as the Doctor, still in a strange and subdued mood, asked Yaz about her life back on earth. 

She found herself saying things she’d never told anyone. Something about the way the Doctor watched her made her feel strangely seen, like what Yaz had to say about feeling lonely in school was just as interesting as her stories about losing her dearest friends again and again to alien horrors. She knew it wasn’t, of course, but the look in her friend’s eyes as she sat, chin propped up on her hand, listening to Yaz- it was hard to feel insignificant when someone was looking at you that way. 

They finished their tea, and when Yaz yawned the Doctor said that she finally felt like she might be able to get some sleep too. Yaz, although slightly surprised to learn that the Time Lord slept at all, felt what she meant. She’d been dreading going to bed earlier, images of the Master spiraling through her head, the memories of her own muscles obeying the commands of another nearly overwhelming her anytime she had a moment of peace. But now- the thoughts were still there, but they didn’t feel so important. The fear was gone. Yaz lingered for a moment more, washing her mug and setting it to dry before heading for the door. 

“Goodnight, Yaz. And… thank you.”

Yaz glanced back, and the Time Lord’s intense, earnest gaze jumped quickly to the floor. Yaz smiled.

“Any time.”


End file.
